It is quite something to be actively performing throughout a year. It give a new feeling to writing, knowing that each poem might find fresh air before too long. Also, to know that people are interested in what you're writing, and keen to hear what's next.
It's a nice feeling.
I've been trying to work on getting some poems together in a book, but sadly (?) I got a new job and that put things on the backburner. I'm writing this here to help hold myself accountable.
Anyway, here are 10 of my favourite poems this year.
Favourite Poem
Purpose - My favourite poem of the year - and very fitting that it's one about trying to explore why we do things. One of those rare times in writing when a first line just comes to you, and then then rest of the poem responds as you carve it out. I really enjoy both the message and the structure of this poem - actually to the point that I need to make sure one doesn't supersede the other when I perform.
Written due to being more focused on poetry this year
3am friends - This poem actually got accepted to anthology! I've been trying to submit more this year, which can be draining. One of the very cool writer friends I hang out with was putting together a collection on the theme of "debauchery", and, well, I wanted to see what a wholesome take I could have was. I settled on the moment where you find kinship at a low point. I really like the picture this one paints.
Noise around me - This year, I actually started to write a lot more away from my computer. I would meet friends in coffee shops and try to create. This lead to a lot of different types of poetry, more formed by my surroundings. This is both a nice memory of those experiences, and also a very fun mixing of form and content, deliberately trying to evoke the feel of hustle and bustle before calm.
A sad poet - I don't write a lot of sad poems, at least, not in the way my friends at the Sad Poet's Doorstep Club are able to. So, as a goodbye, I tried to write about why sad poems are so important. As such, I'm very fond of both the message I manage to tell, and the memories tied up in how I've put the poem into the world.
Optimism Poems
Good to be a Fool - I always find hope feels more genuine when it comes from a non-ideal place, and acknowledges that optimism can be hard. This poem fully leans into that, although when writing it I did find an extra theme emerging of helping a friend who might be thinking of suicide. This "nuanced optimism" of mine was still apparently overly optimistic for a friend of mine, who wrote a poem inspired by it that tweaked it in a respectful but darker way.
The Right Words - The scientist in me loves probability, and thinking of alternate futures. When I've faced a difficult situation, I've sometimes wondered - "Are there some ideal actions that could get me through this? What are they?". I've definitely had this feeling when someone is feeling down and I want to do my best to support them, but I'm not sure how.
Support Poems
New Punk? - One thing I try to be very careful about is that I'm not being performative - I should mean the words I say (or, at least, the character I'm writing should mean them). This means I don't write much about LGBTQ+ issues - sexuality and gender are very personal experiences, and I have not gone through them. I'm glad I was able to write this then, which is a genuine poem of support that comes from a place I do have experience - the philosophies of punk.
Women's Sport - I deeply care about sport, and that it should be available to all. Again though, it's hard to write in a way that's not performative when you are not experiencing the thing you're writing about. I often find I need a specific angle to write from, to feel like I'm telling the story in a different way. It also helps when you see something and are genuinely inspired by that approach. One of the only poems I've written inspired by negative inspiration I think (being annoyed at something, rather than elevated).
Experimental Structures
Find Your Drumkit - I will always try to find space for more experimental poems. For longer ones that take a bit more time to write. Inspired by the spoken word parts of Dikembe by Scottie Spliffen, I liked the idea of a drumkit as an expression of identity. Definitely not just an excuse for me to incorporate some beatboxing into a performance. I really tried to let myself be guided by spontaneity when forming this one, trying to mimic a Jazz drum solo.
Feelings - I love the spoken word that can exist within songs. Regular dialogue with music backing that serves as a guidance for the lyrics to come. I really want to play more with that in structures, and I wish I had the music ability to make songs directly. Ah well.
Other fun poems:
What Inspires, a poem about inspiration coming from all sorts of sources.
Caring Openly, a poem about being genuine in compassion for others.
What is love, a poem nuancing on scientific approaches to understand love
Habits and Rituals, a lovely flow poem about the importance of schedules.
Remember they were human, a remembrance poem I wrote that I feel I may grow fonder of over the years.
For the first time in my top 10 lists, I'm including the poems below to make it easier to read.
***
Purpose
I've known people pushing pens through the passage of their lives
I've seen some who strive for husbands, some who strive for wives
Others counting coins like they're trying to cash in a high score
It's like we're all searching for a special something that won't leave us wanting more
Look, I'm sympathetic to a cause but I'm done pausing with no purpose
Cause I know what villains lurk within a life of feeling worthless
I ain't gonna pretend I'm deducing how to be producing a solution
I'm just a fellow sinner friend searching for some sort of absolution
If there is an equation I don't think I'm equal to the answer
I'm just messing around trying to lessen all the inequality
I'm mis-stepping among the stars, no partner to the cosmic dancer
Quavering a tune that I'm not sure was ever meant for me
I can't judge folk who find salvation, even if I don't agree with where they found it
We're all just floating specks of dust who are scared of being grounded
Pretending we can fly so we don't feel foolish when we fall
Thinking we've found everything if we find anything at all
It's tiring, that driving force to find a purpose that's been steering us since birth
Maybe you're already worthy. Just by persisting on this Earth
***
3am friends
sometimes I wonder, do the right words exist for this moment?
the right string of sounds
that can make a bad day into a good day
to let someone know they are cared for
to stop the tears
to put the start of a smile on a face
we are not math problems
there is no solution that works for everyone
sometimes a weird sentence is needed
something unexpected
it can be obvious words too
or even barely any words at all
look, maybe you need the right words today
and just, whatever they are
if they exist
I hope you find them
***
Noise around me
I'm trying to focus, trying to write
trying to rhyme but things aren't right
there's noise and chatter and coughing and chiming
there's a family of five, and someone else crying
each word that I wrangle to rest on the page
it's an awesome achievement on this sonorous stage
because the dog is barking, a grandma is whining
it's the sound of hundreds of people unwinding
all played to the soundtrack of inoffensive pop
all of it designed to make my lines stop
so I leave
I go for a walk
I slowly breath
no need to talk
I love conversation
just not all the time
I need hesitation
and the space between rhyme
but it's time to turn
there's work to repay
I will once more return
to the noise of the day
***
A sad Poet
Be sad, young poet
Absorb all you have heard
Be sad, young poet
Let your tears form words
See, tearful words may stain a page
They may filter sadness, turn it to rage
Act as a prism to put colour in air
Let anger rise within because the world's not fair
And turn the rage and the sadness and all the emotion
Into a killer few verses with a side of devotion
To a cause, rising voices that have been beaten down
Because behind the clenched fists and behind the frown
There is sadness at a world that could be more
It is hidden in the side streets and takes the floor
There are places where sadness can build something new
Be sad, young poet. So you can be truly you.
***
Good to be a fool
I may be a fool, but I believe there is good in this life
That there is kindness, there is hope, and reasons to kind through the strife
For it's only by believing in things that seem unlikely or bizarre
That I can even believe a heart can heal from its scar
I believe that tomorrow will always fight through the hardest today
That the moon and the Sun will dance across the Milky Way
I stupidly hope you will always be there to see it with me
If you feel like you're falling off the Earth, we can hold hands if need be
It isn't always easy to be a hopeful presence
It can be a sad world, hard for such ideas to survive
To be a fool in spite of evidence?
To keep believing, keep the faith alive?
I will do it alone. But why not be foolish with me?
Let's keep believing in a better world in spite of what we see
Let's light up a path to see where it will lead
Let's be naïve together, taking turns if we need
***
The right words
sometimes I wonder, do the right words exist for this moment?
the right string of sounds
that can make a bad day into a good day
to let someone know they are cared for
to stop the tears
to put the start of a smile on a face
we are not math problems
there is no solution that works for everyone
sometimes a weird sentence is needed
something unexpected
it can be obvious words too
or even barely any words at all
look, maybe you need the right words today
and just, whatever they are
if they exist
I hope you find them
***
New punk?
"TERFs are the new punk!!", apparently.
According to an X-Twitter trend.
I want to disagree inherently.
If feels wrong. Cheap. Pretend.
Maybe they are the new punk though?
Or, "new punk" to be specific.
The punk that sold out long ago.
The punk that just liked the aesthetic.
Punk written by middle-class TV writers who don't understand.
Who think punk was just butter adverts, rebellion, and spiky hair.
That a punk is someone who just whines their demand.
Sure, TERFs can call themselves "new punk", that's fair.
Trans is what punk was. Still is, in the right grimy venue.
The unwanted tune. The discordant strum.
The vocals that can only come from a downtrodden view.
The ground roots thrashing of the drum.
Punk stands for something, not just in opposition.
The anger are the fruit but passion forms the trunk.
Leaving me to only one natural position:
You can keep the new, but Trans is the old punk.
***
Women's Sport
We used to laugh at Women's sport
It was a joke on the TV
An easy male punchline
Was all it used to be
But the athletes kept on playing
Kept on running down the ball
They kept on pushing at their limit
Even if no one watched at all
Despite the lack of funding
Some folk begun to care
Not discounting those
That always had been there
And the tide, it started turning
"That was actually rather good"
The one exception, then another
It moved slower than it should
Yes, the funding is still behind
And the research lacks in places
But the numbers keep on growing
And there's emotion in all faces
The anguish, the effort,
The sadness, the joy
The watchers, the players
Each girl and each boy
So much so that I can't fathom
The mentality of some folk
Imagine trading all of this
For the sake of an easy joke
***
Find Your Drumkit
(Can prelude with some random beatboxing or tapping out rhythm on random objects)
Sometimes in life, I feel like I'm *happy beatbox*
Other times, I'm feeling a bit more funky like *jazz beat box*
Then, occasionally, I have to take it a little bit slower like *sad beat box*
But often I'm just feeling lost like *beat box where the final beat is uncertain*
Sometimes the best doesn't sound right on your tongue
It doesn't feel like it comes from the air in you lungs
But this isn't a poem about the right *b* or *k* or *p* or *ts* or any of those
It's a poem about finding you beats and finding your flows
Not about solving a tune to be academically true
But about finding the rhythm inside of you
it is *hard* to find your tempo
your timing
your intensity
But you do have it! be honest with yourself, you do have it!
Have you never felt yourself moving to a song?
Said a sentence that resonates?
Or had the urge to grab a pair of sticks
and hit them against some objects
just to hear what noise it makes?
I like to imagine a world where we all make our own drum kits
and every drum kit is made out of random objects
but they're things that resonate with us
things that snare us
build up our base
put skin in the game
are symbols of what we care about
and how we want the world to hear us
we don't learn how to make our own drum kits in school
if we are taught, it's like this :
Today, class, we are learning standard timings on standard kits
and some people are going to sound great on the kits the world has decided are standard
it's important to learn the basics
but we aren't going to have time or budget to teach you more than that
...some people never learn it's possible to make their own noise at all
wherever you're at in life, I hope you find your drumkit
I hope you get a chance to play it, as loud as you like sometimes!
I hope you all never forget that feeling of listening to someone who has found their own drumkit, and how cool they seem
you're going to want to take their role set, but you must resist the temptation
take a break or a high hat but you must create something uniquely your own
just, if you take anything from this, don't stop anyone from building something, even if it doesn't seem like a good arrangement
and build your own.
listen to other people because advice is good
but reject advice occasionally too
experiment
make random noises that shouldn't work
but just might
but only for you
make a drumkit no one else can make
and play it like only you can.
and then, let the world hear you play.
***
Feelings
y'know, maybe there's something to this whole true love thing?
can't be.
why?
well, if there were, I reckon more people would do it
I've been dabbling a little in a dark art
Celebrating an emotion previously kept deep in the heart
Trying to figure out if such a feeling is for me
Something I've previously only ever had the urge to flee
I'm not going full ice bath just quite yet
I'm not sure if what I'm feeling is something I'm gonna regret
So I'm taking it slow, this methodical engineer
Is trying to let go and to face his fear
but why is it good to be vulnerable
what do you mean?
i'm scared of doing things wrong
but if you don't start, how will you ever do them right?
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