Being different

Other than being different to everyone else, what is wrong with dressing colourfully?
Embracing a spectrum that doesn't seem permanently wintery?
Could it just be, you saw me dressed different, and wanted to have something to say?
Try a little light humour to help the conversation on it's way?

I have said a lot of wrong things, from just wanting to say something
It's not a bad inclination, but there's trouble it can bring 
Trying to force a thought or four into an uncertain situation
When the person in question wasn't seeking validation

There's points in life when you're not trying to cause a fuss
Just being yourself, rather than being something to discuss
Rather than being the centre of someone else's life lesson
You have to defend yourself from a well-meaning question

Now, I like dressing in colours and I have a lot of reasons
We all have a proclivity to dress towards our favourite seasons
And I've had wonderful discussions about aesthetics and philosophy
From people who think and dress a very different way to me

But do take a second, and consider whether your query is just cover
For the discomfort you discover when we embrace our differences from each other


***

For clarity, I almost always enjoy discussing my aesthetic with people - as long as it's genuine. But there are times when I feel like I'm on the defensive in what should be a friendly conversation, and that can feel uncomfortable. I've also been on the other side many times, when I've spoken up about something that seems odd to me and not realised I'm making someone defend being themselves. 

Choices and outcomes

It's the most beautiful and dangerous thing we ever realise
Sometimes, the right choice, doesn't lead to a good result.
And a bad choice can end up working out for the best.
It's a saving grace, and a curse to us all.

How, in the weaving and changing world, are we ever supposed to figure anything out at all?
When randomness can govern the strands of fate, is it even worth building a foundation?
We deeply want there to be a philosophy behind it all
Some feeling that it's not just chaos which strings us along

A lottery ticket with a last dollar could actually be the correct decision
Procrastinating and then finding out it's raining anyway
The world gave you imperfect information, and you tried your best
But your best didn't end up being the option you needed that day

It helps us relax, by knowing there are things outside of our control
Teach us that it's good to leave some room to breathe
But it also helps us become complacent
Let's us think we made the right choice, but actually that one wasn't fate, it was you

Policy and governance cannot solve the disorder within humanity
But that doesn't mean there aren't better options
You will never solve the whole equation, but maybe under certain conditions
You will gain some sense of how things work

So, dear friends, let us pledge to keep trying to understand that which we can never know
Gain some familiarity with where turbulence make take us
So that, when navigating these tricky waters
We may sail a little longer on our journey

Remembering good friday

I feel guilty, when the greatest story ever told
Feels overly familiar, stale, and cold 
Maybe because I first heard it when I was a child
So I didn't appreciate that it was truly wild

Let me not stop feeling grief
For a sad story I've heard a hundred times
Let my feelings of injustice never cease
For those falsely accused of crimes

Familiarity can lessen empathy
But only if we let it
Just because something was always meant to be
Doesn't mean we should forget it

So let your eyes well with many a tear
Let the story be alive and live right here
Understanding the weight of the greatest sacrifice
Driven by the greatest love, of the saviour Jesus Christ

Pronoia

I'm sympathetic to people who are paranoid
Because it's hard to know what fear is irrational these days
But there is a greater dread that can come from the void
Paranoia is a feeling that life is even worse than it portrays

The world is so cynical, so here's something new
Whose aim is to do good and nothing more
Once you know it, it's something you can't undo
Pronoia, a conspiracy you'll see is worth fighting for

And though this premise may make you laugh
Pronoia states that the Universe is a conspiracy on your behalf
Act of kindness done without needing credit
Favours shared silently without being in debit

There's goodness happening around this earth
People helping one another to counteract fate's curse
And its definition spreads just by being taught

Its a two-way conspiracy, and we need your support

Help others without reason, we're a kind employer.
The world is fighting for you. The world is Pronoia. 

***

Rewriting the intro from my pronoia poem from 2012. I wanted to perform it, but I think the start came off as slightly downplaying legitimate fears (and also was a little bit long at points)

Racist

I do wonder if there's a difference
When I label someone a racist
Or I label someone as a person with racist views
(sub in homophobic, ableist, or transphobic if you like)

See, when someone is racist, that's a character trait
Something I can't change about the person
They are them, and they are the other
And well, maybe they've earned that title

And I don't seek to lessen what they do
With the views that they currently hold
People do need to be called out
But, well, ideally called out in a way that gives them a way to change

But I think it might be better to hate actions
Rather than the person themselves
It leaves the door open for redemption
A future where they are just a person with views

Live life

 I'm very sorry, but I've decided I'm going to live my life to the fullest
And you aren't going to be able to stop me.

I will enjoy the sugar within my favourite cereal
I will try a new outfit to see if it suits me
I will sing if the right song plays on my playlist
I may even dance in the rain if I'm dressed up warm enough

I will work hard at creating art so I can tell my story
I will travel across borders to broaden my horizons
I will talk to new people and find them fascinating
I will take up a new hobby and experience the joy of being a beginner

And I wont stop myself there

And I will not let you embarrass me
And I will not listen if you mock me
Except to misinterpret your words as compliments
As I see the world in a new light

I will live many lifetimes, all squashed into one
And I refuse to regret the fact that I am not perfect
So I will embrace my failures and use them as stepping stones
While I witness all life has to offer

And I am so, so sorry
But I've decided that I will not let you stop me, anymore

Voices

 To the voices in my head

I need you to speak louder
To raise me from my slumber
Allow me to rest when I need
But after, help me to proceed

Remind me of injustice which I have briefly set aside
Help me seek adventure and to keep my boarders wide
Yell of the urgency in which I need to act each day
Please, voices, help me paint myself in a way I want to portray

Don't be cruel, but please be firm
Give me fuel to serve my term
Make use of time upon this Earth
Not to seek some misguided worth

But, voices, to connect the world behind my eyes
To seize the moment, and to help me rise

The roads we talk down

Who would want to recreate the Earth,
    When we already have such a joyous one to explore?
Why pretend you've built it all since birth
    When you can marvel in everything that's gone before?

What infrastructure, in road and rail
    To allow us passage to places we've never seen?
 Without it we'd be telling a sorry tale
    In fact, would we ever be able to say what we mean?

See I've travelled the dictionary highways
    Venturing boldly through linguistic lanes
Merging to dialects and dark alleyways
    To find the most delicate refrains

What joy, when navigating old texts
    To find a snicket phrase not often tread
Or to see ley lines of convenience forming next
     To slang that will one day be formally bred

To be self-made would surely be miserable
    Rejoice in those that helped tamed the absurd!
There is a wilderness of syllables
    And danger in an unmapped word

In fact, for those with patience to see it through
    I would venture a path that made seem perverse 
Rather than build your own language structure anew
    Build on ours, and lay down a verse

A helpful void

Hello void,
I've come to yell into you again for a little while
Thanks for understanding

Look, I need to yell at something right now
It's might fault I need to yell
And I try not to yell at myself as much these days

So, well, I'm afraid I'm going to yell at you for a little bit
Sorry about this
Well, here goes.

.

.

**AAAAGGGGHHHHHHHRRHHH****HH*
*UG!HCHMA*
WH*ATSYAFI*CH!AMJI!!NF@UTCHA
YEahhh

.

.

You do good work, you know that void?
We all overflow a little sometimes
And you help to control where we flood

Well, that's me for now
Thanks for being there for me
Until the next time, void

Crossing Steins;Gate

Would it always have happened this way? 
I have to know, would it always have happened this way? 
If I could reverse the sands of fate
Return existence from a chosen date
Trying, desperately, to alter this hour...
Could I be trusted with such power?

What would I do, trapped in a day
For months and years I stick and stay
Seeing fate's plan, again and again
All of the joy and all of the pain
The only changes to make are mine
Akin to the burden of the divine

The world is against you
But you've been given a chance
So what would you do?
Do you dare advance?

Self-care | Self-indulgence

           Self-care | Self-indulgence

 Rest | Sloth
Nourishment | Gluttony       
Dedication | Overwork  
   Reprieve | Entrapment
        Self-belief | Overconfidence

Where is the line?
Where does it rest?
Between pushing too far | And trying your best       

Leave your comfort zone
Find a safe space
Work with others | Win every race      

                Finish first | Don't put others down
Be a good leader | Reject any crown 
You can do anything | If you accept the cost 
Enjoy the adventure | Don't get lost             

Well-meaning advice can lead to different actions
Leave us torn up inside with fighting factions
The tightrope we all walk is ever so fine
Goodluck, my friend, in finding your line | 

Peacemaker Vs Warmonger

    Dear peacemaker, do you see yourself in your foe?
    Dear peacemaker, do you trust in what you know?
    Can you hold your nerve in fragile times?
    Accept differences, even forgive crimes?

    Dear warmonger, how far will you go?
    Dear warmonger, do you hear those below?
    Will you take a stand with the ultimate cost?
    Will what you gain make up for what is lost?

How is it, that we defend our ideals?
We all have a route that naturally appeals
But are you willing to see that road to it's end?
To finally find out who is really your friend?

If it is worth the cost to split us down into factions
Peacemaker, warmonger, do not be blind to the cost of your actions

A cup of worry

Do not treat those moments lightly 
Where understanding drips from every syllable 
Just sounds 
But the sounds you need

So full of self-doubt that it's shocking there's room left for anxiety 
What does it mean to overflow? 
Not much, if someone is there to mop up the spills
Without making you feel guilty, as if the chore is a joy

I hope I can be that person for others  
Reassurance, needed but not asked for 
Yet delivered anyway 
As many times as is needed 

I'm not sure why my brain sometimes assumes people hate me 
But I'm grateful for the friends who love me beyond such logic

Resolution

It is the month of inspiration
Of doing things
So why have you not left your couch yet?
Don't you feel bad?

Look around
At the image everyone else is projecting of themselves
Loudly

It is no bad thing to want change
To gain higher control of your body
Make yourself achieve things
Become the image you draw of yourself

And sometimes there was energy when there didn't seem to be any
And sometimes there isn't
I am still learning that coin flip

We have limited time
Just like we have limited steps
But that doesn't mean we can run every moment
Particularly when it's dark out

You are still figuring yourself out
Keep moving, keep growing, at whatever pace you can
Go too fast, go too slow
Things rarely go right at the first attempt

And, if the month inspires you, seize that inspiration
If it doesn't? Well, don't let it deter you instead
It is just January.
And you can resolve what to make of that.

People who don't believe in themselves anymore

I love to believe in people who don't believe in themselves anymore
Cause I still see who they are at their core
I see things to admire, I see what they can be
Things I know aren't just visible to me

It's not an easy journey, I give a hand when I can
Cheering them on as their biggest fan
And slowly, slowly, I get to watch them grow
To become the wonderful person I already know