#32 Breathing

I'm an asthmatic.
Sometimes, I really struggle for breath.
And I have to stay calm.
Can't be mad or fanatic
That way, I walk to close to death
To very dangerous harm.

You treasure seconds
You store them up for later use
Life is more real
The struggle beckons
As you try to reach a truce
So you can still feel

And then suddenly life is back to its normal pace
You're hustling about again, forgetting time is a race
You'll spend days doing nothing at all
Forgetting the moment you hit the wall

Forgetting the sweetness of the first true taste of air after an attack
Forgetting the fleetingness of moments where you didn't know how to come back
Forgetting the alien sound of wheezing coming from no mouth but yours
Forgetting the difficulty of the ground, the feeling of your pores

I have known the value of a single exhalation
Only when you know that can you know inspiration
Take that struggle, and know asthma only highlights what you spend every moment doing
Pull yourself up young muggle, because tonight you realise what is worth pursuing

See, that near death experience has become routine
I can disappear, greet the reaper, and return with absence unseen
It's not often, and normally it's not to severe
But when it is, you'll know if you happen to be near

Breath is short
Words are now even shorter
I become more zen
I'm caught
Possibly down for the slaughter
Life is precious again



Context: So, I've had asthma since I was a young child. Although the attacks I'm describing now have happened only a few times (usually when I've been an idiot and forgotten my inhaler), the feeling of struggling for each breath is certainly genuine. I do a lot of exercise, run a lot, and take my fitness for granted more than I should. It's really when asthma hits that I realise a lot of my natural inclination towards being athletic is more God given than I would like. And maybe, just maybe, it helps me realise how lucky I am, and help me work to push myself harder.