the road already travelled

I'm chasing the high again
The high of repeating where I've already been
showing I'm good at going where I've already gone
in travelling a journey that I already know

and, well, it is fun
and it is satisfying
I've spent a lot of time learning these roads
and I know almost everything about them

so here's the thing
there is virtue in mastery
in learning that last final turn
in tiny optimisations

but, well, I think the time might have come
to learn a new way
and it will be a struggle
and I will be a beginner again

yet it is only by starting that new route that I will learn something truly new
it is only be stepping outside the town that I have built for myself that I will see another way the streets can be arranged
and I may not stay in that new place long, it may not be the right fit or be the wrong type of challenge
but, if done right, the city I knew will look a little different when I finally return

I will one day step back on that familiar road
but in a different way than I did before

Noise around me

I'm trying to focus, trying to write
trying to rhyme but things aren't right
there's noise and chatter and coughing and chiming
there's a family of five, and someone else crying
each word that I wrangle to rest on the page
it's an awesome achievement on this sonorous stage
because the dog is barking, a grandma is whining
it's the sound of hundreds of people unwinding
all played to the soundtrack of inoffensive pop
all of it designed to make my lines stop 

so I leave
I go for a walk
I slowly breath
no need to talk

I love conversation
just not all the time
I need hesitation
and the space between rhyme

but it's time to turn
there's work to repay
I will once more return
to the noise of the day

Culture conversation

They think it's a culture war when it should be a culture conversation
They think they need an army when we just want deliberation
Yes I understand that the world today has seemed to change
But it's ok to live somewhere that some parts of it seem strange

It's not asking you to get on board and take part in every dance
And there are honest conversations about the right way to advance
But you seem to want to turn one side of society to mist
When all that side is really wanting is simply to exist

Not every film has to be for you. not every book, not every song
I understand that we all need a place we feel that we belong
But that place is not everywhere, every place, all the time
People who are different should not be thought of as a crime

And while there are nuances such as beliefs that cause others harm
And while I'm not suggesting we should all walk arm in arm
I will stake my claim that we should not wage a culture war attack
Although if one side brings the fight, the other must unfortunately fight back 

A one-sided war will only ever end in a certain way
What do you think will come of this artillery display?
Yet I know there are those who wish us to share seats at a table
You are but one person, but please, join us if you're able.

The power of History

What a gift we have in history
To record the days gone by
Rely on more than the electricity
That flows behind the eye

To not be just moments
Single points on a line
To unanchor our events
To spread them across time

Then read a page millennia old
A glimpse into the past
Revisit a tale worth being told
Be grateful such tales last

Learn from errors never seen
Study cities that are long gone
Decipher what some ciphers mean
To guide us as we go on

Appreciate those who came before
Relate to people you'll never know
We have history's power in our paw
Though we are but fish within its flow

A rhythm on this Earth

There is a rhythm on this Earth
There is a beat that flows
Some people dance from birth
And follow where it goes

And, well, then there's other people
And by other people I do also mean me
Who don't feel this beat at all
We don't hear the symphony

But I can dance to it sometimes
Just for a little while
I can translate the rhymes
I can be in denial

Then I will fall back
Grateful for what I could do
Do you hear the track?
Do you dance to it too?

There is virtue to your own way
But it's tough to do forever
So let's find our beat today
And dance to it together

Good to be a fool

I may be a fool, but I believe there is good in this life
That there is kindness, there is hope, and reasons to kind through the strife
For it's only by believing in things that seem unlikely or bizarre
That I can even believe a heart can heal from its scar

I believe that tomorrow will always fight through the hardest today
That the moon and the Sun will dance across the Milky Way
I stupidly hope you will always be there to see it with me
If you feel like you're falling off the Earth, we can hold hands if need be

It isn't always easy to be a hopeful presence
It can be a sad world, hard for such ideas to survive
To be a fool in spite of evidence?
To keep believing, keep the faith alive?

I will do it alone. But why not be foolish with me?
Let's keep believing in a better world in spite of what we see
Let's light up a path to see where it will lead
Let's be naïve together, taking turns if we need

The art of knowing where you're going

What inspires

we don't choose what inspires us

and I have been inspired by some very dumb things

but I still love them

I love the insight that dumb things can bring

it will inspire an idea of which I'm genuinely proud

and I'll share that idea in a conversational crowd

people can enjoy it and I just sit there in fear

that they'll ask me what inspires this great idea

and I have to say it was an Adam Sandler movie

there's a reason "high art" makes us pause and reflect

but I feel "low art" gets too much disrespect

it's talented in itself for hitting a spot to help us relax

even if it doesn't charge our brains the biggest tax

but humans are curious, I love that about those beings

and we are maybe too predisposed to thoughts and feelings

embrace it, share it, if possible without remorse

love the inspiration you found in an unlikely source

springtime in York

December was long this year

it seemed to last til May

coldness cut the stone

the temperature was grey

shadows appear deeper

walls seem to shiver

grass resists each step

do not trust the river

When the daffodils sprout 

winter melts away

the yellow on the hill

marks a special day

morning has slowly come

the birds begin to sing

colour is no longer hidden

York has entered spring 

Searching for the Spirit

It's hard to believe in a thing I can't see
A Spirit so sweet yet seeped in secrecy
Which is not to say I believe It isn't there
Just that the task's tough. And that I really do care.

I do find it easy to think of the Son
The human, the Saviour, the mortal one
He took form, then He spoke to us here
There's historical records that still persevere

The Father, He's harder, but still I get by
Not necessarily thinking of a Man in the sky
But still as a Being in some manna, some fire
Even if He dwells in the fourth dimension or higher

But the Spirit? Being honest, I just find it's tough.
Maybe it's me, maybe I'm just not spiritual enough.
I'll keep fighting for faith, wondering if I'm missing the call.
I'm just another sinner seeking salvation from the Fall.

I feel like I'm genuine

I feel...I feel like I'm genuine

but sometimes in a way people don't recognise

so they think I must be faking

that I must be hiding finding

which, well, makes me not want to be genuine any more

but I will continue to be

and I will have to endure rumours

and I will have to ignore gossip

and, honestly, sometimes I might have to adapt a little

because there will be other genuine people who don't fit in

I want them to not hide away either

this world is richer if we can all be a little bit different

so I will still be myself

as much as I can be

the genuine, authentic, me. and no one else.

The right words

sometimes I wonder, do the right words exist for this moment?
the right string of sounds
that can make a bad day into a good day
to let someone know they are cared for
to stop the tears
to put the start of a smile on a face

we are not math problems
there is no solution that works for everyone
sometimes a weird sentence is needed
something unexpected
it can be obvious words too
or even barely any words at all

look, maybe you need the right words today
and just, whatever they are
if they exist
I hope you find them

New punk?

"TERFs are the new punk!!", apparently.
According to an X-Twitter trend.
I want to disagree inherently.
If feels wrong. Cheap. Pretend.

Maybe they are the new punk though?
Or, "new punk" to be specific.
The punk that sold out long ago.
The punk that just liked the aesthetic.

Punk written by middle-class TV writers who don't understand.
Who think punk was just butter adverts, rebellion, and spiky hair.
That a punk is someone who just whines their demand.
Sure, TERFs can call themselves "new punk", that's fair.

Trans is what punk was. Still is, in the right grimy venue.
The unwanted tune. The discordant strum. 
The vocals that can only come from a downtrodden view.
The ground roots thrashing of the drum.

Punk stands for something, not just in opposition.
The anger are the fruit but passion forms the trunk.
Leaving me to only one natural position:
You can keep the new, but Trans is the old punk.

Without dark

"Without dark, there can be no light"
An interesting quote on which to embark
But while some see this as hope for bright
Others see it as a sign to fight for dark

I'm sure you've met them, in some way
Those who live their life by odd decree
"Life isn't fair", they will often say
As if unfairness is their philosophy

See, the world is rough, that much is true
I don't think we'll ever change that fact
But we can set those scales more askew
Bring more light that we once lacked

It can take a bold and peculiar mind.
To find your purpose in being kind.

A known song

I didn't know the last song
I wont know the one after
But this one right here
This one is joy and laughter

This is music in each vein
It's a rhythm in my heart
A "hell yeah" from the brain
My arms begin to dart

There's that tune I love to hear
The words I'll never forget
A beat I dance to without fear
Even if they're moves I should regret

I didn't know the last song
I wont know the one after
But this one right here
This one is joy and laughter

Nails of Iron

I saw bridges with legs like nails of iron
Rooting the city into the rugged landscape
Lit with neon to form a calm ambience  
That the mist quelled lest it get too ambitious

The river does not rush, but it is still powerful
The concrete ribbons allow for moderate-to-easy traversal
Yet it will not have been lain down without resistance
A temporary truce, that nature will claim again some day

It is foolish to think we can tame nature
It is unwise to try to make it submit
Like the stream finds a route through stone
So too should we embed our fossils in this world

There is a beauty to humanity, the trail we lead
There is a beauty to nature, who reclaims all paths

***

Just developing some thoughts I had cycling along the riverside in Newcastle

 

Sometimes I'm popular

Sometimes I'm popular
Sometimes I'm not
Always I'm odd
And rarely forgot

Sometimes harmonic
Sometimes discordant
I feel the same
Yet received different

Sometimes I'm tired
Sometimes I get energy
A group can be friendly
Other times it is lonely

So I'll hold on through the times when I diverge from the core
And treasure deeply the times that leave me wanting more

Play with Music

 I wish I could play music
That I could string up a tune
That I could take the words I write
And give them a whole new boon

I love listening to wordsmiths
With music behind the lines
Raising up the verses
Giving life to the rhymes

The perfect pop star melody
The earnest folk devotion
The raw punk rock growl
All dripping with emotion

But I know how much skill is in those notes
I wont play down the time it would require
So I'll keep working on improving my craft
In case I find someone musical to inspire