29 March 2017

Ledbury

Lord, here in this moment I'm praising You
          here in this moment I'm praising You
I could pray for hours and days right through
            pray for the Spirit I know to be true

I will go from here. I will falter. I'm not perfect.
Yet I know right now in my heart You are worth it
When I'm reminded of Your miraculous death and birth it
Inspires me to throw up my hands and worship

I want to sing
                      to dance
                                    to praise Your name!
Yet if I'm honest - I must admit with shame
I will struggle. And then I need You more.
I need Your love. I need Your law.
I need Your help to go to my core.
Remind me of Your name. Inspire me with awe.

Bring me back to the memory of right here. Right now.
As I shout your name as loud as everyone around me will allow.
Fill me with Your spirit. Build me anew.
LORD.
           Here in this moment I'm praising You


Written for Ledbury 2017. I don't write much religious poetry. This is certainly one of the first I've ever performed. Given how much it forms a central part of my philosophy, it's something I'm trying to address.

22 March 2017

Beach

I take the beach as the border
In its place in the order
Of Land. Beach. Sea.

It separates the earth
Twixt the water and the turf
The sand boundary.

The water it fights
Through the day and the night
To steal the land back inside

But each time before
It has had to withdraw
The moon pulls back the tide

With sand seaweed and stone
The beach stands alone
In holding back the waves

So castles, they fall
Yet all through it all
The beach never quite caves

15 March 2017

Matter

Am I just matter?
Or Do I matter?

Am I just matter or do I matter?

Am I just matter, do I matter?
Am I matter, do I matter?
Am I matter do I matter
What's the matter with me?
Lately I've been living life laterally
It's hard to progress when my mind is under duress
About a question I must take mind to address
And keeping it internal has seemed an infernal mission
Quizzing all content concerning the eternal decision
No, this is not a manner to be contained within thought
I present to you, right now, my cerebral court
Two trusted personas to debate the matter at hand
The case for 'just matter', please take the stand

Let me be clear. Let me precise.
We all just physical objects, like ice.
We must live in a world with rational rules and laws.
This is as true as the fact we must all have flaws.
If I cut my skin, I will bleed.
If I give birth to kin, my genes proceed.
So let me lead to the junction which will cause duress:
We are all just functions, very complicated yes,
But processes. Predictable if we had the power.
Yet we're limited by thought, by space, by the hour.
Ticking away until our final day.
When the clockwork stops.

And we drop.

This was not meant to be nice. But it's the default case.
Take my advice - accept this approach's embrace.
If we're matter, then that's all we are.
To claim anything else would just be bizarre.
We're structured. We're planned. It's the way we must be.
Stop fighting what must happen naturally.
How arrogant. You sheltered little human whole.
That's whole the entire, because there's no such thing as a soul.

Am I matter do I matter

Am I matter do I matter
Am I matter do I matter
What's the matter with me?

Let me speak up, I'm meant to represent argument number 2
All I can do is speak honestly of what I believe to be true
I wont try to force the manner, nor deny much of what was said
You are right now living. You will one day be dead.
But let's stop looking at the scale we live at each day
Think instead of the time with no yesterday
There was an origin to how this universe came to be
It continues slowly, following entropy
These things we've observed, are our best guess to be true
As for what is before and after? We have no clue.
Quantum, that most curious of current conclusions
Would have once been laughed at, just like fission and fusion
Our knowledge has holes. And these can blow up our views
Of how the world is supposed to be, and though we are given some clues
If we knew of an afterlife, few would remain on this Earth
We know as little after death as where we come from at birth
Because beyond 'just matter', there really does seem to be more
Beyond our physical beings, right down to our core
Sentience is a very rare trait, and one unique so far in galaxies
So if we can move beyond fate, we can say you matter to me

Am I matter do I matter
Am I matter do I matter
Am I matter do I matter
What's the matter with me?

Hold up there, I'm the third such position,
I beg of you, give me some time and listen,
I can't hold a torch to either the first two cases,
I'm afraid my conclusion wont seem so persuasive,
But here it is, pretty much my case is just this:
Whether or not you matter, if you face an afterlife or abyss,
You must still go forward, seize each second,
Make life take you as a force with which to be reckoned,
The debate you just heard - it's by no means trivial,
Don't discard it as absurd - or even discard it at all,
But acknowledge that while the debate will rage on a while,
You must still go out and face the World with a smile,
In an Earth of just matter, then provide others some lift,
And if you matter to the Earth then be a most welcome gift,
While discussions and theory remain fanatic and pure,
You must never forget that there's other matters to explore...





I had some debate as to whether to put this poem up. I don't suffer with anxiety. I don't suffer with depression. And yet I do have existential crises from time to time. And they pass. One of the few things poetry allows me to do though, is to try to capture moments as they pass. So this is me, trying to be really honest with an internal debate. The hope is that others can see it, and realise that if they've felt such things too then they aren't alone. This isn't a cry for help, or anything close. Instead, it's an attempt at a very honest reflection. In my head, I see this being performed by 4 separate people. The core line (Am I matter...with me) would be repeated throughout by the central person.

8 March 2017

Trains

Across the country, on the rails.
Sometimes late, sometimes fails.
No longer followed by billows of smoke.
Reduced often to simple joke.

Yet I'm still a romantic for trains
For all their messes, all their pains
Despite the changes and privitization
They'll always appear in my ideal nation

Maybe it's growing up in York
Maybe it's due to stories, despite all the talk
I love the idea of the Hogwarts express
Streaming through fields showing no duress

The great equalizer, the reason many could see the sea
Suddenly we were closer that we ever thought we could be
Travelling the same route each and every day
"We'll get you this far, now make your own way"

I've travelled so many miles, but never lost track
Always knowing the path is open return back
Yes it's flawed, but for all their pains
I still have a certain fondness for trains



One of the odder effects of growing up in York, I feel. While I'll never be a train watcher I do still have more affection than I probably should for what is a mode of transport...

1 March 2017

Threads

How long is a piece of string?

Sometimes, I feel as a piece of thread.
Containing turns and knots.
A frayed string.
Never truly aware what is happening.

Most often in life, enjoying the journey
Weaving amongst others with great accord
Every path is an adventure!
So come, see who we get tangled up with

Having twisted myself a good many places
I have taut myself in the struggle
Should I slack off my progress?
Is it good? Or does the tension help me grow?

I am vaguely aware I had a beginning
And that this tapestry is much greater than I
I, a single thread among millions and billions
Creating a picture that can only be glimpsed

I am scared. Scared of being lost,
Scared of my time in telling the story being done.
That one day my thread will tie off neatly
Never to see what the image will become

So it goes.
For now, I just have to be weave
Take my journey as it goes
For as long as it will take me