#39 Books

When I was younger, I was a little scared of books.
They were all terribly impressive after all.
They contained worlds I could never understand.
Words I could never hope to comprehend.
Books were almost a symbol of adulthood in their way.
A tangible path to maturity,
They were powerful.

Very powerful.

I learnt about books leading men to war.
Growing up a Christian I was taught about one very powerful book indeed.
And there are similar texts which command similar authority.
Books which controlled nations.

There was also the personal level on which they had power,
JK Rowling created a brand new world in books,
A world I spent more of my life than was probably healthy in.

I was taught at school that some books were more powerful than others.
That by studying them, I could tame them.
So study I did. And the more I did so, the tamer that book became.
But books in general were still to be respected.

I read every book I could. Some more than once.
I absorbed other worlds. And they absorbed me.
There started to be a lot of books I had to read.
Yet still, I battled on.

But then the world started to change.
The world went online. And books had to go with them.

While for some this change was welcomed,
I guess I found myself very much part of the old skule school.

They no longer had a physical presence.
I could dismiss huge texts in a second.
There was just too much in one place.
Far too much to ever read.

I felt a disconnect from the author.
A disconnect from the words.
Sometimes, even a disconnect from the world within.

Books have lost their power.
I have tamed them, but the victory is Pyrrhic.
A victory I had never sought.
But the world moves on. I just wonder where it will move on next...

#38 A Demon Dreams On

I know why I'm stuck down here
But I'm still occasionally the one who gets scared
Cause I'm constantly plagued by a single fear
It's unheard of, as a demon who dreams of nightmares

See I threw in my hand, way back many days
I had my reasons for my choices, I was mad
I gave in to Lucifer's temptations in a daze
But that was so long ago when I was barely a lad

And now I'm stuck here. Paying back my debts.
An infinity in which to think things through
And when you've so long to think, you'll sure have regrets
About what your life has lead you to

See I've been told many a time
That my work is for the good of mankind
That those that I'm torturing are guilty of crime
The greatest sinners you ever could find

So I put them through torture, I put them through pain
Basically, I'm a professional plying his trade
And don't get me wrong, like my clients, my skills are insane
Out of millennia of practice, such skills can't help but be made

But my victims they scream, loud and unbound
And though I'm deaf to every word they say
And though worse scum could nowhere be found
And though they deserve whatever comes their way

There's a couple come through that have silver tongues
Their tales can reach even my devil's heartstrings
They scream their innocence as I pull out their lungs
As payment for all of their sins

But even as their screams stop still as they turn silent
Their words can hang in the air
They follow me round, no rest for the wicked and violent
Because apparently justice is fair.

Their claims of innocence ring in my ears
Their pleas will borrow into my skull
As they attack the worst of my fears
They're the iceberg striking my hull

Cause it's possible life and decisions ain't always so clear, it's not fair
That my victims are mentally unstable and torn
But what does it matter what I feel and fear, when I dream of nightmares?
After all, I'm just a demon, and the devil's own pawn.


Context: Recently, a good friend introduced me to the Mechanisms. And I have to say, everything else aside, they write some amazing lyrics. One lyric in particular inspired this, from the song broken horses - http://themechanisms.bandcamp.com/track/broken-horses-2#lyrics

The line is "I wonder if devils get nightmares//Of all of their victims as well". I don't think it's difficult to see how I used this line. I may have taken minor liberties with Christian doctrine here, it was intended merely as a setting for an interesting character viewpoint.

#37 In which I learn I suck at small talk

Hey man!
Hi.
Whats up?
Not much. How're you?
How am I? Well.
That's kinda difficult.


See, I'd describe myself as kinda complex. A little bit unusual, y'know?
Saying how I am is gonna take a little bit longer than you might think.
I've been thinking a lot about a lot of things in a lot of ways
So you might want to settle down and grab yourself a drink

I'm feeling kinda amazing. I'm luckier than most people in this world.
I've been blessed with a caring family, supportive friends and good circumstance
I was born with relatively few disabilities to stunt my growth
There are only few obstacles on the path down which I wish to advance

But I'm also feeling quite sad and disillusioned
Whenever I see what's happening in the news
I feel sad when I see the media not doing it's job
Yet when it does it's job well I just develop depressing views

I'm feeling optimistic - I'm still young with life to live
I'm feeling kind - there's so much that I want to give
I'm feeling anxious - there's some tough challenges in store
I'm feeling satisfied - screw materialism, I don't need anything more

I'm feeling like the sum total of 1000 generations of natural selection
I'm feeling that I'm thinking too much, with introspective introspection
I'm feeling lonely, a unique sum of genetics within the human race
I'm feeling small, as I realise the vastness of outer space

I'm feeling like a lot of things right now
And I know you do to.
I'd love to ask you to answer with exactly how
It really feels to be you.

But with all things considered
Now I've gathered up all these thoughts of mine
When you ask me how I'm feeling?

I guess I'm fine.

#36 Thank Yous and Responce

So, it's started to happen slowly,
That among the 1000+ people who are friends on facebook
The 1% of you who've seen me link (or maybe 2%)
Who've thrown caution to the wind and given my poetry site a look

And then decided it wasn't as bad as you thought
And told me you quite liked what was written here
And possibly been kind and told me to promote further
I wanted to respond to make myself clear

But first, let me thank you in an unreserved manner
It was really unexpected, that you actually liked my little spiels
It really does make me happy and surprise me everytime
One of you comes and admits my poetry held a little appeal

And while I truly am glad, allow me to be a little blunt
For I'm a sham, and the selfishness of this blog is my vice
For the main reason for me writing this was for me
So I could see myself improve and realise some advice

If you're feeling brave, flick between the start and now
I feel I've already got better than I was before
And I want to keep getting better and better
Until the better of my poetry is rooted at it's core

I know this sounds bad. And I may actively try to promote in the future
But right now I'm not quite there.
So while you're reading this from the comfort of your computer
Let me state right now, I'm really glad you care.

That each view does make me glad.
And people returning to read more is just, well, great.
And if you hang on a bit further until I'm a little less bad
I'll try my best to make it worth your wait.