Personal: Scars

Content Warning: self-harm

A lot of my life I spend confused. Not knowing what to do.

I would desperately love to have the answers to everything, but I just don't. Sometimes there are no right answers.

Sometimes this means I make a fool of myself. Those are the times I can deal with.

This is dedicated a friend who will likely never read this.

One skill I've wanted badly from a young age is to notice things other people don't. And if I did notice something I would then pretend that thing defines a person:

I want to notice the colour of your eyes, if you have dimples when you smile,

I want to notice, most of all, if you're having a bad day, so I can offer kind words so I can see if you have dimples again!

What I wasn't prepared to notice was your scars.

My mind jumps to a thousand conclusions, while concluding nothing.

I have to remind myself that I am not Sherlock. I can't tell your past.

All I know is that some scars don't heal, regardless of time.

All I know is that you are fighting.

I have never experienced anything like what you're going through.

I don't know if the fight is over or still raging.

I don't know why you started, or how it ends.

I want to talk to you about them, so I can offer help. But I know that's selfish, because I know you probably want nothing more than to forget they were ever there

So let me just say this.

If I am ever fortunate enough to become close friends with someone who has scars,

They will not be my close friend who has scars,

They will be my close friend.

If you want to take the fight alone, you can take it alone.

If you want to wear your scars with pride then ignore any prejudging moron who jumps to conclusions.

If you want to hide your scars because they aren't you then so be it.

If you are confused then be confused.

Just know that to me, those scars do not define you any more than the colour of your eyes

Any more than your dimples. They don't define you any more than a bad day

But if a bad day ever does turn up. As they sometimes do.

I just want you to know that I'm here. And I'll do my best to make you smile.