Vulnerable

I've been trying to let myself be more vulnerable recently, but honestly, it's kind of hard
All my life I've lived so far has taught me not to show my cards
That the world is out to get me, so I'd better watch my back
And that anyone not constantly on defense is vulnerable to attack
Easier by far not to be involved, better never to begin anything
Throw up every barrier and don't you dare. Let. Anyone. In.

Yes it can be draining. But we all manage it somehow.
And after years and years of training, I'm good at it by now.

This fort has become my home, a habit of it's own
So I sit within relaxed, guarded, and alone.

And I don't want to be anymore
And I don't know what will happen when I open up my doors
And I'm sorry for when I instinctively try to shut in in your face
Please. Please try again. Ignore that I have to brace.

I just didn't realise how defensive I'd become.
Wondering why that deep friendship wouldn't come
Until realising that anyone who looked in my direction
Simply saw a person with layer after layer of protection

So, I'm going to try
It'll be tough. I may question why.
If I let people in, sacrifices will have to be made.
I've seen many people hurt by others. And scars are a tricky trade.

Being vulnerable isn't enough. I know that in my heart.
But hey. I'm trying. And that's a start.